Japanese-ru 101

I was always wanted to learn Japanese. It's a cool language. Imagine you could watch all the amazing and crazy tv shows, movies and anime without the need of a translation. Well, I think I came up with a way to learn how to speak Japanese. Japanese-ru, that is. Just follow the following simple rules to speak and understand Japanese-ru. You'll be the coolest kid on your block. I guarantee-ru!

Here we go, it's simple as learning the following rules:

1. Always put a "ru" (pronounced 'roo' if the word ends with a vowel, pronounced 'eh-roo' if the word ends with consonant) at every noun, verb or adjective.
2. Each successive word in a sentence must grow in exclamation. (Just imagine that each sentence ends with an exclamation mark, even if it doesn't. If it does end with an exclamation mark, just pronounce as usual.)
3. Change all the "L's" into "R's".
4. If a word ends with an "R", just pronounce it as if the 'ru' was part of the original word. For example the word "laser" would be pronounced 'lay-zeh-roo'.

That's it. It's simple as that. Try it out, it will become second nature to you before you know it.

Here is an example of a conversation between a hopeful employee and the Japanese-ru interviewer.

E - Hello, and thank you for this opportunity.
I - Wercome-ru! Prease-ru sit down-ru!
E - Ok.
I - Interview-ru! Start-ru!
E - Here's my resume, I think you will be impressed.
I - I wirr-ru be the judge-ru!
E - I graduated from MIT at the top 5% of the ...
I - Sirence-ru! I am the inteview-ru! You brew-ru! Interview-ru, end-ru!

... and scene. Poetry my friends. Sheer poetry.

Enjoy.